Have Yourself a Big, Juicy Meltdown
This week I had a mini meltdown.
Well, maybe it actually wasn’t so mini.
It started when I dragged myself kicking and screaming out of the long weekend. Tuesday morning I hit the snooze half a dozen times, and slugged through my morning activities. Everywhere I turned, it seemed, something was going wrong.
I started listing out all of the things that weren’t going right. All of the things I don’t have that I wish I did. All of the things on my agenda that I don’t want to do. I started picking fights with my boyfriend and writing nasty mental text messages to all of the people I was frustrated with. And I got stuck.
Here’s the thing about a good meltdown: you gotta just let it wash over you.
You have to release the built-up tension and anger and literally just surrender to it. You gotta stop trying to have all the answers and shoulder all the burdens on your own. You gotta stop judging yourself and your situation and comparing it to where you think you should be or how you think you should be feeling.
So I let go and cried. A lot. A good puffy-face, runny-nose, punching-the-pillow temper tantrum.
And after I let it all go and gave it all up, it was like the light coming into the room was a little bit whiter and all of the negative stuff just started melting away. All of the built-up tension dripped like candlewax from my body and into the carpet. And I remembered:
The biggest breakdowns precede the biggest breakthroughs.
Just as the arrow on my ribcage was meant to remind me, when it seems life is dragging you backward, it is really preparing you to fly.
And that promise catapulted me into the rest of my week, and everything around me seemed to remind me that I don’t have to struggle. That life isn’t hard unless I make it that way. That I am not here to suffer.
That having a meltdown is completely necessary sometimes and I don’t have to judge the shit out of myself for “having it all together.”
I’ve found that when I try to control things, create a specific outcome, become attached to a goal or idea of something I want to create, or even just shoulder all my worries and frustrations on my own, the tension builds up to a boiling point and I start resenting everything and everyone. But when I release all of that to God and the universe, things actually start to happen and I receive clarity.
If I sweep out all the noise and “should dos” and get really clear on what I desire deep down, the fire of my vision for my life and what I want to create in this world burns so brightly that it propels me forward and creates magic.
My morning devotional the morning after my breakdown was from Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
What a powerful reminder that we have to control our thoughts, because what we focus on is what we will find. If we are constantly stuck in the negative and focused on what we lack, we won’t be able to see the abundance of love and nature and friendships all around us.
So here's your dose of life coaching:
Are you feeling overwhelmed? Like everything is going wrong? Like you cannot remain calm? Maybe it's time to have a little meltdown. Throw on some emo music (I like a little Dashboard Confessional or Celine Dion), get some strong pillows to punch and a box of tissues and let it all out. Vocalize the things you are frustrated about-- shout them if you have to-- but it is important to get them out into the air. And when you are done, allow yourself to sit in quiet. Notice any changes in your body, in the room around you, in the air. Think about each of the complaints that you just screamed about and recognize that they do not have power over you. YOU are the powerful one. YOU are the one who creates your reality.
Use that clarity after your meltdown to get writing about your vision for your life: what kind of impact do you want to have? What kind of legacy do you want to leave? What would you like to be doing more of in your days?
And let that fire burn in your belly so brightly that it engulfs everything around you and leaves no room for negativity. When the frustration and negative thoughts build up, give yourself the meltdown without judgement. But don’t give up. Because the only way to fail at achieving your vision is to quit.